Adventures of a Sub Conscious Mind (blast from the archives)

The following was a blog post I wrote a few years ago based on a dream of mine.  I originally posted this up on my blog that I had through myspace.  (aka the net's abandoned amusement park)  I was thinking about this dream/blog post a while ago and decided that it needed to be shared once again.  So, consider this a "diggin' in the vaults" edition.  I understand it's a bit of a read, but it still makes me laugh to this day.


Adventures of a Sub Conscious Mind

Tuesday, July 11, 2006 

Alright my personal thoughts on posting blogs about my boring life or the ish I’m going through are well stupid.  But, on this occasion I will make an exception.

I had a dream the other night.  One of those dreams that was so funny, you wake up laughing from it.

First off, I was not actually in the dream or not an active participant in the dream.  It was a dream of me watching an old video.  (What a comment on society when you watch a video in your dream.)  This was a video tape I found titled "PROPS" and all of the letters were made of dudes in b-boy stances.  But, it wasn’t what you’d think.  It wasn’t a video of guys breaking or emceeing, it was a video of an old talk show like Riki Lake from the early 90s. By the video quality and what happened in the video, Id say it was about 90-91.

This was one of those episodes in which they have somebody that’s uber poor, ugly or ignorant and treat them like a movie star.  They had this kid that they were going to give him a makeover and treat him like a pimp. 

It was your average trashy white kid from trailer land.  Dirty, clothes tattered with pictures of monster trucks and a mullet that would have made Bigfoot proud.  Kid had what looked like originally was a mullet, but after 6-7 months turned into this wookie crazed ape-drape.

He didn’t know he was being filmed and was fussing because his stereotypical white trash parents were trying to take him to the salon to cut his hair.  The kid was thrashing for dear life like as if he was Sampson and they were going to take away his strength.

Once he realized he was on T.V. the kid settled down and let the stylists do their job.  Magically the child was transformed from a trashy, dirty, tribble of a boy to an early 90s preppy white kid with a bowl cut and Lacoste polo.  They then bring the kid out and the crowd is amazed at his transformation.

But wait the days not over.  The host of the show asks the child if he has a favorite singer or rapper.  The kid bashfully nods his head and the host then says, "Could it be this person?"  A wall on the set opens up... you know, the one that usually has some guy that says the baby isn’t his.  As the smoke clears, none other than Vanilla Ice emerges and enters the stage.  The crowd... goes... CRAZY and the kids mouth drops.  He then starts jumping up and down in his seat the way children do when you tell them you have candy.  Vanilla Ice walks over, completely in character, "Yo, what up, what up!  Yeah!!!"

The host then explains that Vanilla Ice was going to spend the rest of the day with him and take him to his concert later that night.  Excited and elated they send them off with a camera crew to document their day together.

Here’s the best part. 

As the day progresses Vanilla Ice raps everything they’re doing.  Example: they’re eating pizza and Vanilla is rapping about them eating pizza.  “Yo, me and my man, chillin a Pizza Hut/ Eatin bread sticks and puttin food in our gut! YO!!!”  All day, he’s doing this.  Later on that night, as they’re hanging out at the after party, Ice starts giving out lyrical beat downs.  He just starts rhyming like crazy, spitting, red in the face.  He then falls to the floor, rhyming and writhing on the ground.  Red in the face he keeps rapping, showing the world what a lyrical giant he is.

Seeing Ice on the floor convulsing like he’s having a seizure, the kid gets incredibly concerned and worried about his new best friend.  “Mr.  Vanilla!!!  Mr. Vanilla!!!  ARE YOU OKAY MR. VANILLA!?!!!”  Screaming at the top of his lungs thinking Ice is dying.  Vanilla Ice ignores the kid and just keeps rhyming on the floor.  “MR. VANILLA!!!  MR. VANILLA!!!” tears streaming down the child’s face as his pleas fall on deaf ears.

I then burst out laughing, which quickly woke me up.  I only wish I could have seen this thing unfold.  I then told my wife about the dream.  Her reply?  "You’ve got a vivid imagination," she says trying to hold back the laughter.   Just thinking of this dream still makes me crack up. 

So this is my exception to the rule as for blogs.  But, as you see it wasn’t a ramble of my boring life, but of an odd tale from the depths of my sub conscious.   I just wonder what this dream means.  Am I the kid?  Am I Vanilla Ice?  (Hope not.)  Maybe the two represent some deep ying and yang thing deep within my soul.  Or maybe it was just some crazy ish my brain thought was funny.